Ughhhhh...
I feel like a leper. After waking up sick somewhere between 1:00-2:00AM Monday morning, I sealed myself up in the bedroom for the entire day hoping to isolate the sickness to myself alone sparing the rest of my family who is already suffering from a pretty serious cold. Tuesday morning I was feeling a little better, and by lunch time I had made the decision to practice mind over body and get up and enjoy the rest of the day. We did enjoy the day, and I felt great. Last night, however, I woke up again sick. So, here I am, sealed once again in the bedroom of our apartment.
I haven't wanted to do anything while laying in the bed. I have so much to do: a test, an exegesis, a presentation, a book report, reading assignments, preparation for Sunday morning class; but I feel completely unmotivated. In fact, I feel a little despairing. A million thoughts have gone through my head while trapped to myself. Not many have been great. I've tried to clear my mind and study, but I can't focus, on anything at all. I don't know what's going on, but I pray for strength and wisdom as I travel what will be just another shadow through which I've passed.
I'm fearful. Sometimes I feel like the pretender. A familiar fear returns; it scares me that I have no idea what I am going to do in the next 2 years. It scares me that I can hardly see myself doing anything at all. Maybe it's a lack of confidence in myself, which I know boils down to a lack of trust in God. Whatever it is, I have to stop thinking about it and feeling this way. It only drags me down further and further. I hear my Shepherd calling, but I'm stuck in a trench. But I know that he'll find me soon and pull me out. I'm confident in that. I just wish I would remember the trench when I see it and stop falling into it everytime. Foolish sheep.
Woe to us when the day declines and the shadows of evening lengthen.
It's just a little longer until the cloud and darkness move and the sun once again shines to light the day and the path ahead. Until the day breathes and the shadows flee, I will go away to the mountain of myrrh and the hill of frankincense.
Christ return.
I haven't wanted to do anything while laying in the bed. I have so much to do: a test, an exegesis, a presentation, a book report, reading assignments, preparation for Sunday morning class; but I feel completely unmotivated. In fact, I feel a little despairing. A million thoughts have gone through my head while trapped to myself. Not many have been great. I've tried to clear my mind and study, but I can't focus, on anything at all. I don't know what's going on, but I pray for strength and wisdom as I travel what will be just another shadow through which I've passed.
I'm fearful. Sometimes I feel like the pretender. A familiar fear returns; it scares me that I have no idea what I am going to do in the next 2 years. It scares me that I can hardly see myself doing anything at all. Maybe it's a lack of confidence in myself, which I know boils down to a lack of trust in God. Whatever it is, I have to stop thinking about it and feeling this way. It only drags me down further and further. I hear my Shepherd calling, but I'm stuck in a trench. But I know that he'll find me soon and pull me out. I'm confident in that. I just wish I would remember the trench when I see it and stop falling into it everytime. Foolish sheep.
Woe to us when the day declines and the shadows of evening lengthen.
It's just a little longer until the cloud and darkness move and the sun once again shines to light the day and the path ahead. Until the day breathes and the shadows flee, I will go away to the mountain of myrrh and the hill of frankincense.
Christ return.
posted by Rick Harper @ 10:21 AM
2 Comments:
At 11:30 PM,
jomato said…
hey man, did you go to the park? hope so, cuz it's supposed to rin all weekend.
trust me on this one. you need the park trip, some comic relief, a movie, maybe "a dose of abrahamic faith" (wink). you are a human being, not mechanical thing.
At 5:42 PM,
Anonymous said…
hey dude, let me add to your despair! You locked yourself up in the bedroom to spare the rest of your family from getting sick. Guess what! YOU ALREADY EXPOSED THEM SO IT WAS A WASTE OF TIME!!!!
he he he
love ya, dad
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